Steam Early Access texts - Request for Comment
  • pipi
    Administrator
    We will soon launch on Steam Early Access and I've written a bunch of texts for the Steam store page. Since some of you are native speakers of the English language I'd love to get some feedback on my choice of words and grammar. Also, all other hints and suggestions are very much appreciated! The Steam Early Access launch is not announced yet because we don't have a confirmed release date yet.

    Game Description
    Secrets of Rætikon is an atmospheric, open-world, 2D exploration game set in the romantic wilderness of the Alps. Fly through savage mountains, encounter wild animal tribes and discover the secrets of an ancient culture. A world made of triangles invites you to become part of the enduring struggle between nature and civilization. 

    We're building an action-focussed exploration game. The main campaign is already playable. Additionally you can edit existing levels or create your own and share them with your friends via Steam Workshop. If you join the Open Alpha on Steam Early Access you can shape the game with us. And you can be among the first to play a new build (nearly) every week.

    Early Access Blurb
    Support Broken Rules by joining the Open Alpha of Secrets of Rætikon. We are developing this game while you are reading this and we will update the game nearly every week. It's full of bugs and missing features, but Secrets of Rætikon already looks beautiful. Watch us create a world brimming with life and full of stories.

    Early Access Text
    Secrets of Rætikon is an action-focussed exploration game with an open world. You fly through the savage mountains of the alps and collect parts of ancient machines. The world is rich in interactivity. Trees, rocks, plants and animals – everything is physics based and can be grabbed and dragged around. This makes the world feel very much alive.

    Hostile animals protect their habitats and interact with you as well as each other. Use this ecosystem to your advantage: drag a bird of prey to another predator and they attack each other; grab a robin and feed it to a buzzard – he will attack the poor bird instead of you; defend yourself by wielding spiked plants or by pushing foes into thornbushes.

    Secrets of Rætikon sports a full-featured level editor. You can edit every level that comes with the game or create all new levels. Levels can be shared over Steam Workshop. There is a physics sandbox that allows you to build toys or even new games. This is the same editor we use to build the game itself and it will be continuously developed for as long as we work on the game.

    In the current version, there are bugs and inconsistencies but the main campaign is fully playable. The grand finale of the main campaign is not included yet. The finished game will be released in early 2014. 

    We will continue working on the game after the release for as long as there is a community to support us.
    Co-Founder
    @martinpi
  • thatlaurachickthatlaurachick
    Open Alpha Player
    "A world made of triangles invites you to become part of the enduring struggle between nature and civilization. "
    This sentence is fine grammatically, but it doesn't really inspire me to play (even though I love the game.)  Maybe, "An inviting world beckons you to...etc"

    "We are developing this game while you are reading this and we will update the game nearly every week. It's full of bugs and missing features, but Secrets of Rætikon already looks beautiful." This is awkward wording.  "As you read this we are still in development, and update this beautiful game nearly every week."  I'd leave out the "bugs" part - that's what "alpha" means. :)

    "You fly through the savage mountains of the alps and collect parts of ancient machines. The world is rich in interactivity" -  Awkward wording.  Mabye  " Fly through the savage mountains of the alps and collect parts of ancient machines in this interactive world."

    "This makes the world feel very much alive." - Strike this (remove it).  Sounds redundant.

    The rest of the text reads well.
  • pipi
    Administrator
    Thanks a lot! I've updated the text and now we're ready to go :)
    Co-Founder
    @martinpi

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